Torvill & Dean Eat Your Heart Out!

Arriving back from a balmy Australian summer to the depths of the Canadian winter was never going to be easy. Thankfully the weather has been mild for this time of year. Yes, mild. An Australian girl who used to say it was ‘too cold to swim’ when it was 38 degrees now considers -5 degrees to be mild. My how things have changed!

In addition to our change in perception of what defines cold, Joep and I have begun to notice an upsetting change in our speech. I have lived abroad for over 3 years now and I can proudly say that I have maintained my Australian accent throughout this entire time. This is important to me because (a) I am proud to be Australian and (b) I remember immigrating to Australia as a child and asking the other kids at school to teach me how to speak Australian. Why would I want to throw away all that hard work?

Whilst I am positive that I have managed to hang onto my Aussie accent, over the last few months in Canada I do note one upsetting difference to my speech and that of the Joepinator … eh! Yes, eh. It is a noise that Canadians add to the end of every sentence. They are ridiculed the world over for this (in the most good humoured way imaginable of course!) and it is factual eh. They say eh after everything eh! It is the Dutch equivalent of hoor which has provided hours of entertainment to many of my friends here in Canada and home in Australia, ja hoor!

It appears that Joep & I are no longer in a position to judge eh. Turns out that eh is contagious eh! We use it all the time eh! Ugh. Seriously, we use it all the time. We are now consciously informing each other every time we hear ourselves say it in an attempt to rid ourselves of this speech impediment eh. Lord.

One of the Canadian things that we DON’T mind embracing however is their love of the outdoors … I mentioned this in earlier blogs I know. So upon arrival back in wintry Ottawa we decided to continue with our regime of embracing the outdoors. And what better way to do this than hitting up the Rideau Canal for some ice skating!

The Rideau Canal is 202km long and runs between Kingston and Ottawa. It took 6 years to build back in the 1820’s. In Ottawa it ends at the aptly named Ottawa River right near the Byward Market which is our favourite place to head out for dinner and a few drinks. In winter, the canal freezes solid. The Ottawanegians (as Joep has lovingly named them) take advantage of this by creating the worlds ‘largest, natural ice-skating rink’. It stretches a decent 7.7km’s ending at Dows Lake and the whole way along there are stalls set up selling all kinds of delicious treats and offering spots to rest. Glorious! You can get your exercise and undo all your good work with a beaver tail simultaneously.

Which leads me to another great Canadian pastime – the consumption of Beaver Tails! These are not the tails of the beaver as the name would imply. They are deep fried donuts, covered in sugar or some other delicious-ness. These things are glorious and I firmly believe that they rival (possibly exceed!) the oliebollen in the battle for ‘most delicious deep fried, sugar coated snack’. True story.

SO! On our first weekend back from Australia we embraced the Canadian winter, donned our expedition style winter coats (good to -40 degrees in a t-shirt), got our skates sharpened (Joepinator came through on the Christmas present front this year!) and headed for the canal.

Excitement soon turned to trepidation as I struggled to walk across the short stretch of ice to the nearest bench to put my skates on. Yikes! But we powered through and I am proud to say that I didn’t completely suck at it! In fact, there were people who were way worse than me out there. Alas, Joep was not one of these people. As usual, he outdid me in the coordination stakes and was cutting up the ice whilst skating circles around me. I didn’t mind, I was just happy to be upright!

A few hours, a couple of beaver tails and more than a few near misses on the falling over front and we were headed back to where we started for a well earned rest.

At this point I must point out that many of my near miss falls were the result of the toe picks on the front of my skates. These are there for figure skaters who need to push off the ice to do the odd triple loop and all that jazz …. So obviously something that I would definitely need for my Olympic figure skating debut but not for a leisurely skate down the Rideau. The problem with toe picks is that they catch on every bump in the ice. And the ice on the Rideau is very bumpy. I mean, it is a naturally frozen canal, not a nice smooth rink! So I spent the first hour or so cursing the toe picks as I figured out how NOT to catch them on the ice.

As we were skating back to end our day my confidence had increased and I had picked up enough speed to keep up with the Joepinator. I was so confident, in fact, that I felt the need to announce loudly to him ‘Joepy! I think I have finally gotten the hang of this toe pii … ‘ 

My sentence ended with words that shall not be broadcast on the Internet. Before the word ‘pick’ was even out of my mouth I was rolling around the ice in agony. OK, so little kids were falling over everywhere I looked but I never saw one of them cry. Canadian kids are hardcore because it HURTS! Joepinator came straight over and didn’t even laugh (out loud … his eyes were laughing) whilst trying to help me as I exclaimed that I had really hurt myself whilst doing the ‘mother ship sucking air over teeth and grimacing’ thing (I am seriously becoming my mother … it is mildly amusing to experience having witnessed this phenomenon occur to both Jane & Aoife in recent years). 

I was seriously in agony until some strangers noticed the commotion and came over to ask if we needed help and if I was ok. At this point my pride kicked in and I announced bravely (with tears in my eyes … and a little bit on my cheeks) that I was ok. Joepinator then got me onto my feet and we made our way home. Once I got moving again I was actually fine and had not broken my knee cap in 2 as I was originally sure I had done.

Instead I sit here now with 2 massive black knees caps. Relatively amusing.

Nevertheless we had a ball and plan on hitting the ice whenever possible this winter! What a novelty! And it is only the beginning of the winter sports on offer … watch this space! In the meantime, I have uploaded a couple of video's of the two of us showing our skating prowess. Alas there is no video of my fall - I am sure that would have been very entertaining but for now you you just have to settle for seeing us at our best!