Bonsai!

So I was unsure about whether or not this story is blog appropriate but then I realized that most people who read this know what Joep and I are like and won’t be offended by the antics … Mother ship you know what we’re like so we have nothing to hide from you!

This last week has been full of randomness. Both Joep and I were in Toronto for work for the majority of the week which was exhausting. I got home on Thursday evening and when I got in the taxi at the airport Mr T immediately launched into a long story about his Bollywood career. Apparently he was a big shot Bollywood movie song writer who lost all his money in the GFC. So now he drives taxi’s but still writes Bollywood songs and records them. I thought he was making it all up but when I got home and googled his name it turns out he has actually made a lot of music.

Anyhow – As he was regaling me with stories of his Bollywood infamy he insisted on playing some of his music for me. It. Was. Blaring. So loud. People were staring at us all around and I was moderately embarrassed but more than anything I was highly amused and kept giving him the big thumbs up sign and shouting to him about how great his music was. Bless him he was so proud! He even showed me some of his Bollywood moves! Fancy!

He also told me that he has recorded his most recent song and it is going to be a big hit in Bollywood and he thinks also in Hollywood! It is about girls who like to diet too much. He explained this to me and at the end of this asked me if I had ever thought about modeling. I said that no I hadn’t ever thought about it (keeping in mind that I have not always been as ludicrously good looking as I am these days) … I also added that I am not at all photogenic (this is factual. I have been told this clearly, to my face, more than once).

He spent the remainder of the cab ride trying to convince me to star in his Bollywood movie clip. He said that girls like me who are tall with shiny faces (yes, exact words, shiny faces … what?) are all the rage in India these days. I have his card. I’ll think about his offer. It could be an interesting change from accounting. Plus he promised that I could wear a sari. That would be cool.

So after a long week of working and travelling we were happy to relax in Ottawa this weekend. On Saturday night we planned on having a nice grown up dinner party with Mikey & Anne-Marie (I think I introduced you all to these guys before).

The evening started off in a very civilized manner. Food was eaten, cocktails were mixed and enjoyed and a few bottles of wine were consumed. OK so perhaps more than a few. As the evening wore on the boys drifted out the balcony while Anne-Marie and I relaxed inside.

At some stage late in the evening Joep burst into the living room announcing that he needed the wheel of cheese. Explanation: Bas & Kamiel brought a wheel of cheese with them from Holland as a gift. It is delicious. Whilst on the balcony Joep and Mikey had heard the downstairs neighbors having a party. They struck up a conversation with some of the party guests and before you know it, Joep had offered them the wheel of cheese. I cannot add more clarity to this situation. I am as confused as everyone else re why Joep would offer them a wheel of cheese. In fact, I’m not sure that Joep even knows why he offered them a wheel of cheese.

Nevertheless, the cheese was offered and Joep is not one to renege on a promise! So he got the wheel of cheese out of the fridge and used one of my scarves to lower it down to the 9^th floor balcony.

Mission accomplished we returned to our evening of wine and laughs until there was a knock at the door … Joep came bounding in from outside (yes bounding, that is the only way to describe the over-excited gangly way that Joep runs around when there is too much excitement going on) announcing that the party guests from downstairs were here!!

And so the night hit a new high … before we knew it we had a number of randoms in our house raving about Dutch cheese and enjoying the hospitality that only Joep is capable of offering.

The next little while is a blur of new faces and a couple of familiar faces (thank goodness Anne-Marie & Mikey were still there!) and random chats but the party wound down eventually and the original 4 dinner party guests were the last left standing. By this stage things had gotten well and truly out of hand. As expected there was plenty of dancing with both couples bringing out their fanciest moves leading to aches and pains galore on Sunday. As the dancing wound down a surfing contest took place in the living room using a chopping board as the surf board.

The evening ended when the 2 boys began wrestling. Why oh why does it always end with wrestling?? As the boys literally tumbled around the room and food and furniture flew around the place (in my mind they were behaving like monkey’s but I’m not sure if that was something they were doing on purpose or not) Anne-Marie and I decided it was time to separate them and call it a night.

We managed to get them out the front door of the apartment and as we made our way down the hallway, Anne-Marie & I walking normally and the boys tumbling (literally), things took a turn for the worse.

Joep was ‘assisting’ Mikey in his tumbling efforts and accidentally rolled Mikey into the door of one of our neighbouring apartments. Mikey was just about back on his feet when the apartment door sprung open and a ninja jumped out!

This is no joke. A small Asian man jumped out of the apartment crouched with karate chop hands out in front of him and shouted …. Well there is some confusion about what he shouted. In my mind he clearly shouted ‘BONSAI!’ Joep heard it as well and concurs that is sounded exactly like ‘BONSAI!’ but we both agree that it is possible he shouted ‘WHO’S THERE?!’ Either way Mikey literally levitated on the spot with the fear of being shouted at while Anne-Marie & I desperately pushed the elevator button.

We made a quick getaway in the elevator whilst collapsing in convulsions of laughter. It was priceless.

After saying our goodbyes on the ground floor Joep and I headed back upstairs. Upon arrival at the 10^th floor I spotted our ninja neighbor, standing still in ninja pose, outside his door. I walked the opposite direction to Joep and pretended I didn’t know him. Joep then went and spoke to the ninja to apologize for our rowdy behaviour. He did not seem willing to accept Joep’s apology and demanded to know which apartment we lived in. Joep told him a number that is not technically our apartment. (Point of note: I was hiding behind a fire extinguisher at this point in time giggling away at the sight of giant Joep being afraid of the tiny ninja).

As the ninja continued to harass Joep about our rowdiness, Joep decided to take a stand by pointing out to the ninja that we always hear him playing his classical music loudly. This seemed to somewhat placate him. I don’t know why. It was a silly come back because I am quite sure that playing classical music loudly in the morning does not equate to rolling a grown man into someones door late at night. Still this tactic worked and Joep was allowed to go home. We both then hid for a little while and waited for the ninja to disappear before dashing into our apartment.

We haven’t received a notice of eviction yet so I think we’re safe. Although I am still nervous walking down the corridor for fear that the ninja will strike again. This is condo living at its greatest.